Attention Archive Staff:

It is with great sadness that I must inform the Archive staff that our annual trip to Chicago for the Wizards and Warbles conference had to be canceled due to difficulties being sustained by the Archive’s means of transportation. Our good auto the Magdalene, simply could not make the trip and had to be taken into the auto fixers for a good going over. We are happy to report it looks as though she will pull through this time, however, enough was not done within time for us to send our representatives to the conference.

In light of recent events, staffers are pooling together resources to hopefully make other conferences taking place over the summer months. In an effort to facilitate this endeavor, we’ve placed a variety of Archive items in Miss Etta Diem’s dry goods shop for immediate purchase by interested parties.

Most Archive staff are familiar with Miss Diem, but for those of you who have not spent an afternoon drinking or nibbling on any one of her strange teas and lunch concoctions, her old Victorian house is just a few kilometers down the road from the Archive. She runs an eccentric cafe and dry goods shop that a good many Archive staffers have used for exotic supplies in a pinch. Now we’re partnering with Miss Diem and allowing her to sell on consignment a variety of our token items. If you happen to have anything you would like to submit to the “auto fund” please feel free to contact any of your chief Archive staff members… with the exception of Professor Zolty, which we wish to continue reminding you that he is dead and should not be encouraged into believing he is still among us.

Anyone wishing to purchase any valued Archive items that have been turned over to Miss Diem’s shop, need only visit her. Below is a short list of a few items we’ve released into Miss Diem’s trustworthy care.

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Babel-Jean Tea Hymn was born in 1912, just a few days after the new year and the birth of the Republic of China. She was the second delivery in a series of two, her mother, Josephine Tea, having given birth to two underweight but healthy fraternal twins. She named the little boy Jonathon Paul Tea Hymn, and the little girl Geraldine Marie Tea Hymn. Their father was never identified, though Josephine always claimed his last name was Hymn and added it to her own last name for her children. As the story goes, the twins began their attempts at speaking at a very young age. Josephine claimed her two children seemed to babel at one another in a language only the two of them could understand. This prompted their mother to adopt nicknames for them. Babel-John for the boy, and Babel-Jean for the girl. Babel-Jean always embraced this name over her birth name. (more…)

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Attention Archive Staff:

It has been brought to my attention that someone has purchased a sinusoidal bath as part of the replacement equipment for the baths in the gymnasium that were destroyed by that localized storm.

May I remind all staff that all equipment brought into the facility must follow proper installation protocol and be maintained or observed as needed for the safety and well-being of all Archive staff.

The electrified remains of elder archive staff member Mint T. Zloty were found in the sinusoidal bath still smoking early this evening. Consequently, Professor Zloty is said to be in the south wing reading presently. As an added sidenote - please keep in mind that smoking is strictly prohibited anyplace other than the smokers’ lounge, the walk-in humidore, the library, or your own personal laboratory.

If someone would be so kind - please seek out Mint and please inform him that he is dead and we will not be expecting him to show up for work in the morning.

Thank you.

Sincerely, Babel-Jean Tea Hymn

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Attention Archive Staff:

It has been brought to my attention that someone has allowed a Mi-go into the Archives.

I would just like to take this opportunity to once again refer staff members to our rules and guidelines about the calling forth and summoning of any creature that can be considered a hostile threat to the overall well being of the Archive, its staff and interns.

Our guidelines strictly state that experiments or conjuring of any kind not addressed to and sanctioned by the elder Archive Staff are only permitted within your own dorm or lodgings, where you will take full responsibility for whatever doom you bring upon yourself.

At the time of this writing the Mi-go was last seen in the north wing preparing to operate on an intern. It is a crustacean-like entity that can be identified by any manner of unique traits such as multiple appendages and antennae where its head should be. And if these things are not a good visual indicator, someone was good enough to fix it with a red collar and a tag that identifies it as Fido.

The person or persons responsible for this will be found through proper means or less scrupulous channels and will be responsible for replacing said intern. For anyone needing a refresher on allowed or proper creature conjuring, please see the the bulletin board on the west wall of the library.

Thank you for your attention and any volunteers willing to help with capture and clean up should see me in my office first thing in the morning.

Sincerely,

 Babel-Jean Tea Hymn.

PS It would appear that another of our interns is lacking his brain. Please be on the look out for any brain size containers. A watchful eye and a little team work might help us avoid losing this man’s brain to Pluto and setting us back another intern.

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